Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
