I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
