He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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