did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
