pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I want is dick and wine.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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