She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
and she was petting her beer can
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
