Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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