He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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