Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
