She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
