i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
