There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
