You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
