i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
