I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
