That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
