I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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