Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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