I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
