i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
