A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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