stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
