4 words: hood of his car
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
