do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
