The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
