Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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