she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
40s are totally the cure
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
