I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
