it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
