you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
