I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
