the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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