No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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