just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
