I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
