I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
there's paper in my vomit.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
