have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
