at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
