so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
