I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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