dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
