Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
