meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
