i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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