I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
