Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
