i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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