he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
