nutella sex= disaster
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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