last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
