the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
