I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
