she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
