you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My bed smells like the plague
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
