Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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